am i weak because i wont say no? that i would never hesitate with you? does it make me a lesser of a person because im not afraid to tell you how i feel and put myself out there? to talk to you about my feelings and perhaps even act on them?
am i foolish for wishing one day you might come around? for hoping that when you see me, when i make you laugh, when i bring a smile to your face, when youre so wrapped up in our conversation you get distracted from the rest of the world, when you look at me that way, with those eyes, you might consider me as more than a friend?
am i that girl who perseveres only to come out looking like the idiot? only to come out hurting and broken?
am i ignorant for thinking that i am worth a chance with you? for thinking that i can make you so happy? for knowing that if you took a leap, i'd catch you?

i promise you it will be worth it.

i fall asleep with you
holding me in your arms
you come and go all night
i lean in to kiss you
wrap my arms around you
you let me in without a fight
and when i wake in the morning
youre always there
you wont leave me on my own
i close my eyes
trying to find you again
youre beginning to feel like home

dont wait until its too late.

you seem to know which buttons to push
what key to turn
the right switches to flick

and even though sometimes it pains me
strips away at my very soul
makes me want to give it all up

i remember, the way i feel for you overclouds
and completetly erases
any doubts i have about you

i dream of you, the colours merge
into a perfect ocean of art
but im swimming against the tide
thats trying to drown my heart

a sea of pain and heartache
saturates my skin
mirroring and slowly exposing
all ive worked so hard to keep in

washed up and missing pieces
lungs gasping for a breath of air
lying broken on the shore
well beyond repair

hope flowed through my veins
but this harsh sea has left me dry
and youre not here to pick me up
to remind me how to smile.

oh, how i miss you.

when i woke up today and i smiled and thought, im going to be okay. i have so much hope.
you crossed my mind, my sheets enveloped me with your scent, i felt your presence.
you kissed me and i shuddered, but not in a bad way.
i love alot of things about you. i even love the things you dont seem to like.
when i woke up today and i smiled and thought, its going to be okay.
things will work out.
and i know all this because i get to be a part of your life.

he teaches
and im slowly learning
to slow down
enjoy the ride

i get anxious
the confusion surrounds me
i begin to choke
but he stops to hold me

well he's got gentle fingers
and he's got soft skin
he's got a heart
that draws me in

but ive got scarred hands
and ive got rough lines
my heart yearns
for this lover of the times

she's pinned down
she cant raise a finger
she cant breathe anymore
not one breath escapes her lungs
winter white washes over her body
no heat escapes
lipstick couldnt hide her lips
blue like the ocean
hidden and raging inside
to an unappealable and sober calm