i dont have to write you on my hand to not forget you.

in this bed
i am blind
you fill me
with feeling
i open my eyes

ive never torn
at the seams
so fill me
with you
blow apart my dreams

im a dreamer
i want it all
please
give me the key
let me fall

i think you can love alot of people equally. many people i know fill my life with joy and laughter, these people make me smile, they make me laugh when im feeling down, they hug me when i need it and they sit and listen when i need to cry. each of them hold a special place in my heart.

but this platonic love is different to the sort of love you share with a partner. it is all of that and more. its wild and sensual. its sexy and boundless. absorbing and enduring. completley unforgiving in a way that makes you feel alive. for me, falling in love feels like breathing for the very first time. it feels like ive found a key to my own personal wonderland. i wake up to my mind wandering to the person, i distract myself, but they always creep back in when i least expect it... i go to bed and i toss and turn, imagining all the possibilities, scenarios that might never happen and ones that already have. finally i fall into a fantasy-filled slumber charged with colours and music and worlds that only exist there, in my dreams. and yet, this is me being away from the person in question.

when i am with them, another story completley...my body tingles with each touch and my mind stretches from thought to thought that im fighting to keep from rushing out my mouth. my heart flutters when i hear my name, or when im looked at in that way that only he and i share. i feel like so many emotions are trying to push through all at once, its hard to decipher which i am actually feeling. the intensity builds and i struggle to contain the butterflies in my tummy. hours pass and they feel like seconds, i forget about things, like to eat, to be places, and sometimes, most importantly, to breathe. by the end of the day i feel physically and emotionally exhausted just from being around them.

the way i feel in love is like a brand new person. i feel like it heals all wounds, blocks the gates on any anguish or confusion or apprehension. it creates a zone of urgency that makes me want to be a better person, someone with purpose to learn new things and do good deeds. this feeling, being in love, is a phenomenon to me, enigmatic even. and i love to feel this way.

Love is deep, intense and unending, it is versatile and complex.

Love is friendship set on fire.

"Love is the most terrible, and also the most generous of the passions; it is the only one which includes in its dreams the happiness of someone else”
- Alphonse Karr

im contentedly
enveloped
by your essence
and with no surprise
or consternation
i find myself
absolutely
invigorated
by your entire being

so you can catch me when i fall over.
and so i can cuddle you when its cold.

what can i do with this pain?
where can i make it hide away?
how can i pretend to be strong,
just for one more day?

the world around me is tumbling
and i know that soon it will fall
how do we pick up the pieces,
and fit them back into the wall?

she's always been here for me
and loved me with all her heart
how do i be there for her,
without her seeing me fall apart?

how do i hold onto the memories,
ive kept throughout the years,
how do i tell her she's always with me
without fighting back the tears?

how do i make her stay?
how can i convince her not to leave?
what can i do to make this easier?
how much pain will it help relieve?

how do i go without her?
she's all ive ever known
she's the castle in my kingdom
she's the queen that fits my throne

you make me giggle.
you make me blush.
you make me fall over my own feet.
you make me smile, and i turn to make sure youre smiling too.
i cant see, but i hope you are.

so, yes, i suppose.

please, its making me a bit crazy.