dear someone.

you know that feeling when you realise after a while that someone you thought was something, isn't anyone at all? well that's how i feel about you. way to trust my intuition. i really thought i was getting somewhere with this new and exciting someone, i thought that after a few awkward weeks of 'he said, she said', we could actually move forward and talk to each other properly. seems not.

you know, I'm still unsure if you were genuinely shy around me, or if you were just embarrassed by me and what people might say. for the record, i never cared about what anyone else thought, i don't live my life being oppressed by others. I am not scared of failure, because it teaches you how to succeed, and i am persistent because that's how you need to be to get what you want.

ill complain if you ignore me because that's NOT OKAY. I'm not your toy. I'm not a game. I'm not here for your timed amusement. I'm not weak or needy for asking you to stay. if you have time to talk to me when you should be studying, you can talk to me when you don't have to too.

ill text you 10 times a day if i want, just to say I'm thinking about you, just because i saw someone i thought was you. i know you don't really mind, you just make a big deal so your friends think you re a tough guy. go on, show them my texts for all i care.

i know i over think. it made me smile that you pointed it out rather frequently and accepted that it was because of you i was in such a perplexed state. most of all we both know, I'm not about nonchalance. i never have been. its why you liked me.

not that you ever told me. actions speak louder than words. really? because i didn't really get either. i listened to my mum. always say how you re feeling, you need to practice, you re not very good at it. serves me right for being upfront for the first time in my life i guess. you know, it pisses me off that i was so goddamn honest with you and you didn't even respect me enough to do the same for me.

i don't care that i don't look composed, that i cant stay balanced, that i do some things without much dignity. and before you think it, you have no right to hold that against me, you made your intentions clear. even if they were a lie, i believed you. because boys are meant to be blatantly honest about things like this.

anyway, so I'm kinda hoping you ll read this. I'm not sure you come around here anymore, but if you do, i wish things were different, i really do. i apologise.

i guess in the end, you were honest. and now you're no one.

love, me.